Merry Christmas

Rejoice! I made it through another retail holiday with all my marbles in tact. As I was driving home on this Christmas Eve, I realized everything visually seemed like Christmas Eve, but nothing else. The lights, the packages , the crowds the weather, all Christmas, but inside myself the feeling of Christmas was vacant. The spirit and the magic of Christmas Eve as I once knew and loved it to be was not there. No excitement for anticipating the next day or even the excitement of what could happen that very night! Most importantly, no family celebration. Now tomorrow for the actual Christmas Day, I’ll be joined by both loved ones and friends but this night used to be almost just as special to me. So to not do this and just sit around like its not Christmas Eve just feels horribly wrong. I feel like I used to live this perfect life I wouldn’t trade for anything, I’d definitely trade it all now to be able to go back to then. You really don’t realize how good or special something is until its ripped from you forever with no explanation, rhyme or reason. You’re just left to try to figure out what the fuck your supposed to do to maintain and keep sane. It becomes even more challenging around holidays or special times of the year then just managing regular days. Shit sucks but I’m not here to complain. I’m here to remind you all once again not to take anything in your life for granted and cherish what you have. This holiday along with many others has been corrupted and turned evil by the idea of expecting gifts and spending rediculous amounts of money and time for the newest toy. Yes I know it tough when these toys will bring our kids/friends/family so much joy and happiness and that IS what its all about, but I think we have gotten a little out of control. People still need to realize at the end of the day Christmas is not about getting things from people because you assume its expected. I know Im 100% guilty of this but I have a new perspective and look on the world these days. As real as Santa is or not, even HE could not deliver the one gift I could ask for. So remember tomorrow when you don’t get everything you may have asked for, remember the faces and the people who even give you anything and cherish the times you have with them. This is not a sad message its just the truth. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine when my people will be around me tomorrow making my Christmas Feeling once again refilled. Until tomorrow I have my parents, my girl, my doggie and my Music.  To all the people I wont see tomorrow, I wish the best to you and hope to see you sooner then Coachella =). Merry Christmas World.


One Response to “Merry Christmas”

  1. auntie mar Says:

    Your message captured my exact same feelings that I have been fighting for the last few weeks and escalated last night. There was nothing that felt like Christmas Eves past. Until you live it you can not explain the pain and
    emptiness of losing something so special in your life. Everyday is tough,
    and it is so hard to accept that you can’t ever have what you really want.
    I also have learned to cherish those of you that are still in my life and I do.
    The times that we all spend together are still the best but there is such a sadness that nothing will ever be the same or the way we want it to be.
    So glad we will be all together today, it is what we need.

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